Week 13

     I'm going to lay it all on the table this week, If you were to ask me if I put in my 100% in this week I could not in good conscience tell you I did. The beginning of this week started off just as hard as it did the last week, we planned all these member present lessons and saw a lot of sacrifice from members to come and miracles to get them there but it all came down to agency of the investigator wither or not to let us in their home while we all stood on their door step gladly waiting for them to let us in. 

     These repeated disappointments and seemly unthoughtful uses of agency of canceling appointments that we traveled  hours to get to and seemingly wasted the Lords time lead me to become discouraged. This discouragement bled into my missionary work that was reflected in our weekly numbers, as we reported to our district leader an experienced elder from Uganda, he gave us a righteous rebuking.He basically said we let him down, the Assistants to the President, and our Mission President down.                       This humbled me to the core and made me self assess and took my issues to the scriptures this morning. 

     I was reading in Alma 48-50 where it talks about captain Moroni and his preparations and conflicts with the Lamanites. The spirit answered one of my life long questions that I have had prodding at my mind. My question was about Moroni's "perfect understanding" referenced in Alma 48:11. I wondered how any mortal can have anything truly perfect, because everyone one on this earth excluding Christ is by definition imperfect. But to further explain how I found my answer, in these chapters on how Moroni prepares his people against the Lamanites is a reflection of how he prepares himself against the temptations of the advisory. 

     My epiphany was that his "perfect knowledge" was a perfect knowledge of himself on his own doubts and weaknesses and how the adversary would attack those weaknesses, along how he knew that "through Christ (his) weaknesses can be made strong"-either 12:6. He had a "perfect understanding" on how he can improve not only himself through Christ but his people that he swore to protect. 

     I will say I have had one accomplishment this week and it was that I improved myself through scripture study and prayer, now I need to apply those talents I attained on the mission and the talents I attained before to progress my area. 

    I will say the Lord gave me one super power which I know my mother can testify of because she was there beside me as I did it. I was not the best student in school, but my super power was that I can take what ever grade I had in that class wither it be a B- of a F- (which is possible, because I have received that grade more than once) and I was able to take that grade and some how magically turn it into an A by the end of the week. I thought I would leave that "super power" behind when I left on my mission, but I realized that that would make me an unprofitable servant.

   That super power of being able to do mountains of "unfinished" work just needs to be reprogrammed into doing mountains of "undone work". That same rushed but effective work ethic needs to be applied into the missionary work. I have not been using all the resources the lord has given me to do his fathers will. In an email I received from a friend she shared a scripture from Jacob 6 it says "O be wise; what can I say more?". I know what the lord wants me to do and I know how he wants me to do it, nowI have to be wise and just do his will. Theses things I lay before you in the name of Jesus Christ amen. 

    

Week 12

This week has been full of its own challenges but they were over come through thoughtful meaningful prayer, the companionship and guidance of the Spirit, and by the brother love of my companionship Elder O'Hare. We started off this past week with a ward Halloween party which I did dress up for in the most missionary appropriate way possible. I will say the brits need to learn how to party like the eastridge 8th ward party. I got the privilege to meet a lot of less actives and got a few dinner appointments from them and a thanksgiving dinner appointment from a less active missionary who loves Americans and just American culture. we played American football with him most of the night. Tuesday we had to cancel all of our plans which were solid potential investigators to go on splits with our Zone leaders Elder Heilesto and Skinner. Which was uneventful but got the opportunity to meet their bishop who later called my mom which was a blessing. We did evaluations were I asked openly and honestly what I could improve on, and they knowing my real intent behind it showed me the numbers they want me to hit and gave me constructive criticism over it. Which honestly overwhelmed me, they expected so much because I was trained by an AP and I know how to do all they asked, but it put a lot of responsibility and trust on my plate that I didn't know how to deal with. On top of that our golden investigators Bridget and shaw called us and told us they needed some time to prepare for a unforeseen court battle over Bridget's children with her ex husband. The adversary hits us hardest when we are on the cusp of entering the narrow gates that lead to salvation. We have not seen or heard from her since, it frustrated me so much how the adversary worked and I was frustrated that we lost 2 souls. I also felt partially responsible as if their blood was on my hands. with this all on my mind i went on another exchange the next day with our district leader after our district meeting in which i gave a training. i had my nice little training all planned out but literally hours before my training the district leader asked me to change my training, and it ruined my plans and ruined my training. i was so embarrassed and frustrated that nothing was going right despite me trying my hardest and literally putting in my best effort (i put 2 hours of effort to make my 20 minute training). Then one of the older missionaries who i could only describe as the disobedient missionary from the best two years pulled me aside and gave me a pep talk on trainings and what it meant to be a missionary. it motivated me and comforted me in a very over whelming time (his name is elder bender by the way). i went on exchanges with an mtc friend from my district and we killed it and got 2 new investigators and taught a fantastic lesson to a recent convert. Thursday I'm back in my area seemingly picking up the broken fragments of the goals and plans i had set for the area and starting from square one, in that day we worked so very hard to get new investigators and potentials to meet with again (its getting cold and we don't want to freeze tracking at night). we put a older gentleman Paul on date for baptism and he is pursing faithfully the gospel. Friday we grinded hard on getting new people in our teaching pool, we taught someone over Facebook and we were doing so well with her. We then felt prompted to invite her to be baptized over messenger( advice don't ever do that ever) which she didn't accept but only because she is so busy we were only able to schedule a 10 minute appointment on Saturday. We were able to meet her the next day and she is a lovely 18 year old girl who would benefit from the gospel. that day we got dragged into (the sisters and ourselves) being waiters of a sisters birthday party (which is not our purpose). We did it because they always gave us referrals and we got an investigator from them. But it did take about 4 hours of the Lords time away. we mingled with non members and less actives along with bishops and stake counselors , it was a lot of fun. this Sunday we froze ourselves to death knocking formers, less actives, and referrals doors. A lot was over come this week and a lot to sacred to send through email, i love you all and pray for you every day

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Benji J. Massey